InsaneJournal

Family & Close Friends (No Rhett!)
God. I don't even know where to begin. I've avoided sitting down at my laptop because I knew it was inevitable that I would sign onto this Damn thing and have so much shit to say and just not know how to say it. I was right.

I really need to figure stuff out. I am unfortunately the type who is a worry wart. Johnny knows and knew something was wrong, so grabbed Cali and Ash and rushed home to spend time with me and Ry, wanting to be here for Easter. When I saw Johnny, I broke down. It was as if a huge wall came crumbling down and I turned into this massive blubbering mess. I was so scared that he would turn into this raging asshole, but all he did was try and comfort me.

I feel so alone in this. I know I'm not, I've got an awesome family and the best friends a girl could ever want. But still, being pregnant and at war with the father of the baby puts shit into perspective. Not only that, but I am scared. I am angry. I am a fucking mixed bundle of emotions.

Rhett came over, and Johnny answered the door. I never got a chance to see what he wanted. Johnny attacked him. I don't think I have ever seen him so angry. Rhett left at that point and a gut feeling tells me I won't be seeing him again.

I don't know what to do any more. I'm not happy I'm pregnant. I'm to the point where thoughts of adoption have cluttered my head. I hate myself for being so Damn ignorant and not protecting myself. How can I be a good mother when I obviously can't take care of myself?

I found out that Lance was in the hospital and tried to see him, but they wouldn't let me in. I wasn't family.

Liv invited me over to her and Cash's place the other night and watched some movies and got to talking with her. I told her about an idea that I had, that I was going to talk to George about, too. She loved it and jumped on board immediately. I finally have something to look forward too now.

George? Want to pack up lil D and come to London with me?