Melodi "Lee" Ainslee (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} sweet_melodi) wrote,@ 2009-05-13 01:34:00 |
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| Current mood: | crushed |
| Current music: | Leaving London - 3 Doors Down |
Letter to Rhett
Rhett,
I don't know what to even say, because I know sorry doesn't cover it. I don't want to think this was a mistake. I know it wasn't, at least to me. I didn't mean to care. To love you. Too be in love with you. I was only supposed to be the other woman, but the more I was around you, the more I grew to find myself wanting to see more, wanting to be there for you. I found myself doing things because of you, for you and with you. I was inspired by you, wanting to be more.
Getting pregnant with Ryan was supposed to bring us closer, even with the ground rules laid down, we aren't together, I tried. I tried to not be emotional, or to fall even more in love with you, but telling your heart not to do that, is a crock of shit. I tried not to care when you slept with Claire. A lot of couples have open relationships, but then I remembered, we aren't a couple. I tried so hard to keep that in mind. I'm human, Rhett. I was hurting, and I went and slept with Lance. I shouldn't have. I have regretted it every day since we did. We're friends, I was hurting, he was there.
It was eating away at me, I had to tell you, because I want more. Wanted more. I want you. I want US. I want to be a family. If I can't have it, I may as well not even be around, because seeing you, and knowing I can't have you, will kill me every day that I can't have you. You think I'll just get over it? Not when I look at our son every day and know that I fucked up the one chance I had with his father.
If you can ever forgive me, go to Prom. I'll be there, waiting. If you don't show by 12am, then I'll know your answer.
Love Always,
Mel.